I wish I could say it’s because I’ve been super busy, but it’s just been me in a funk. Reassessing my career path, the kind of books I want to write, and just what I’m willing to do to continue on my current path isn’t easy. Some hard truths have come to light.
I’ve been a happy puppy about this publishing thing for a good year now–Pretty much just under a year since my first contract was in July 2011. But even before that I’ve been the constant cheerleader for others. And I love that role. I honestly do. Especially for some of my favorite people.
But I’ve also seen that I’ve been giving a lot of my time and effort to things that aren’t good for me as well. I speak out of turn in excitement, I’m misunderstood when it’s pure laughter I’m going for, and I’m too honest for this game called publishing. There are far too many personalities out there for me to just keep going on as I have been.
Hard lessons, but important ones.
- Your personality is not necessarily good for your author persona.
- Think before you tweet or FB–Words are forever.
- Gossip isn’t fun.
- Words matter.
- Your reputation is all you have, especially when you’re starting out.
- Snark doesn’t always equal laughter.
- Writing is hard. Those that have said otherwise have never been edited.
- Learning is necessary.
- Confidence can be a shield and a hammer.
- Don’t let anyone stop you from writing.
That last one is the most important one. And the one that I’ve had to remind myself of the most. No matter what games are being played in email, social media, publishing, and at conferences–writing is what matters when you’re behind the keyboard.
Your stories matter.
MY stories matter.
The rest of the bullshit can get bent.
What…I’m never going to lose all my snark.
Yep. I’m in the end stages of first pass edits with my book ASHES AND WINE. And seriously…It’s heavy stuff. So heavy that I keep avoiding it and it’s taking WAY too long to finish. So instead I went on Twitter and lost…oh, roughly 3hrs to mancandy, book recs, new release squeeing, and tv lusting. Now part of it is good social play. As an author they tell you to go play with people and don’t mention your book. Just let people enjoy you and the reading will probably follow.
So part of a twitter frenzy is good for my social media side of things. But it’s no less of an avoidance technique. One that I used WAY too much in the last 2 weeks. Another one was an ungodly string of Scarecrow and Mrs. King episodes. (Shh. Don’t judge. Bruce was WAY hot in the 80′s) Amazon Prime has a level of evil that I have to get under control. Oh and Pinterest. That’s just in league with the devil. Period. But since I’m a visual writer it’s also another tool that I love.
But in the end the avoidance is just fear. This is my 2nd book with a bigger house. And there’s a lot of good press going on with Entangled. I don’t want to fuck it up. That’s the bottom line. I want this book to be filled with awesome and it’s making me a little crazy. And as my editor told me, it’s already great…it sold, right? But the pressure to make this story awesome is all on me.
Because the other part of the avoidance factor is the subject matter of this novella. Death and family and coping. It brings back a lot of personal crap that’s still very fresh. It helps with the writing because I know first hand what it’s like to watch a parent die, but it also feels very invasive.
Hopefully that equates to good writing.
*steps away from Twitter*
Time to finish, dammit.
So…I thought I was a decent writer until I dived into my 2nd round of edits. Sweet MARY, I’m getting way too picky and the red-lines of Track Changes are following me into my dreams. Doesn’t help that I’m sleeping at the wrong time of day.
O_O <—what my eyes feel like.
>_< <—what they look like.
I’ve got the word doc up at 130% on what’s already 12pt type and man…it might go up to 140 by the end of the day. *sigh* Okay…enough bitching. This is the holy grail…what all of us writers live for and WANT with everything inside them.
I just wish edits weren’t so hard.
Maybe with a few books under my belt I’ll feel differently.
O_o <— ME
So…I was just diving into my edits for Entangled with a lovely 3 week leeway and what lands in my box? Yep, edits round 2 for Ellora’s. Yeah, slightly agog still. Not that the 2nd pass edits are tough on Uncross Your Heart, but still…sigh.
But, the good thing is I’m diving right into the deep end of the pool and getting used to working hard. I want this author thing to pan out. I want it so bad that I can taste it on the back of my tongue. And it’s only causing a deeper hunger. It’s just that sometimes my brain feels too full of ideas that I can’t seem to settled on just one.
Those are the days that I end up web designing. LOL It always helps to even me out. So, now I have a decent main page with my pretty cover and link to Ellora’s on it. And I’m closer to that release date.